How Long Should You Date Someone Before Making A Commitment?

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How Long Should You Date Someone Before Making A Commitment?
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This is a very good question. Only you and your partner will know when it's time to make a commitment. However there are many things consider before you decide to take this very important next step.

How Well Do You Know Your Romantic Partner?

Regardless of how long you've been dating, the question really is, - how well do you know your partner? I ask this because people can date for years and not really know each other. For example, what if most of your dates consist of doing fun things together such as dining out, movies, travel, romance, etc. ... These activities are far different than real every day life. Have you been living with your partner for several months or years? Have you seen your partner when conditions are more serious or challenging?

It's important to see your potential life partner in the same situations you'll see them in when you live together every day. What are they like when they're not having fun? What are they like at work? Have you spent a lot of time hanging out with your partner's friends? Do you like them? Do you have mutual friends? This is very important because in a committed relationship you may have to spend a lot of time dealing with your partner and his or her friends!

What's Your Partner Like Under Stress?

Have you seen your partner under a lot of stress? How do they deal with stress? Do they get depressed? Do they get angry? Do they fall apart emotionally? Do they get sick? Would you be comfortable dealing with your partner in the future, if stress was a part of your life together for a prolonged period of time?

Do You And Your Partner Agree On How Clean A House Should Be?

How clean is your partner? What I mean is are they a neat freak, a slob, or somewhere in between? It's nice when a couple is evenly matched in this department because it can be a constant source of friction if one person loves a spotless house and the other person likes to create the spots.

Since You Started A Dating Relationship, What Situations Have You Seen Your Partner In?

Have you seen your partner in many other settings other than dating, such as shopping, doing chores around the house, dealing with unpleasant situations, and conflict?

How Many Arguments Have You Had While Dating? And Has These Disagreements Brought You Closer Together?

Have you had several arguments or disagreements with your partner? If you have, this is usually a good thing, - especially if you've been able to overcome these obstacles and draw closer together. Having a disagreement is an intimate experience because two people are putting all their cards on the table. They are sharing and communicating who they really are and how they really feel. During a disagreement both people are usually genuine. What you see is what you get. Resolving differences, truly forgiving one another, and 'making up' after a heated debate can strengthen the emotional bond between couples.

Warning! If Your Partner Is Too Good To Be True, You're Not Ready For Commitment!

Be extremely cautious if you're dating someone who's too good to be true! This can be a big red flag. If your partner is absolutely perfect in every way and you've never had a disagreement, you're not ready for a committed relationship with this person. Why? Because in a healthy, committed relationship you should have have disagreements. No two people are exactly the same. If you've been dating a long time and haven't had an argument yet it means that either you're partner isn't communicating on a deeper level or you aren't or both of you are totally avoiding any conflict.

By conflict, I don't mean anger, nasty words, or unloving behavior. This is never appropriate. Uncontrolled anger is never a good thing. By conflict, I mean honest communication about hurts, disappointments, misunderstandings, miscommunications, and so on. If your partner is never hurt by what you say, never takes what you say the wrong way, or never has a problem with what you do, ... this could mean that they are hiding all their negative feelings. Unfortunately even if you're a good judge of character, there are people who are excellent at projecting an image of who they think you want them to be rather than being true to themselves. These people avoid conflict at all costs but that doesn't mean that they'll forgive and forget. It usually means that they will contain all their negative feelings about you. They will secretly remember every single incident that made them upset or angry. Then one day they explode, doing more damage to your relationship than you can possibly imagine.

In a healthy relationship, people deal with issues immediately or make arrangements for a discussion period within a reasonable time. In a committed relationship people expect differences of opinion and are committed to resolving problems as soon as they happen. They don't wait. So be cautious if you've never had an argument. Even if your relationship is as perfect as you think it is, you still haven't had the opportunity to work through some rough spots. You haven't seen how your partner resolves problems. Is he or she able to forgive and forget? Will you draw closer together, or will one argument end your 'perfect' relationship?

Many Relationships End Because Of Money Problems.

Another consideration is money. Many people divorce because they don't see eye to eye on finances. For example one person might be saver, financial stable, and have excellent credit. Another person might be a risk taker, happy go lucky, forget to pay their bills on time, always in debt paying high interest rates because of their awful credit, having their cars repossessed, ... and so on. If you're not on the same page financially, be extremely cautious about jumping into a serious relationship. Opposites may attract but if you're looking for a harmonious relationship it would be wiser to choose someone with similar financial backgrounds.

When It Comes To Commitment, Timing Is Everything.

Timing as also a huge factor. If you've been single for a few years, you might be ready for the closeness of a stable relationship or marriage. If your partner is emotionally unavailable right now or dealing with baggage such as children, divorce, finances, legal battles, or whatever, it could take years for them to be ready to commit to you! In fact it might never happen.

Mini Relationship Quiz. Are You And Your Partner Ready For Commitment?

So the answer to the question about how much time you should spend dating before entering a committed relationship can be answered with these simple questions. How well do you really know your partner? And how well do they know everything about you? How well do you know yourself? Do you know what you can live with and what's nonnegotiable? Is your partner ready commit to you? And if not how long will it take them to be emotionally available? For some couples, a few months might be all that's needed. But for most of us it takes much longer and that's ok.

Commitment Is Just A Word, Unless You And Your Partner Put Meaning Into It.

Commitment is meaningless unless both people are equally invested in making the relationship the best that it can be no matter happens in the future. You might be ready to make a commitment to your partner, but is your partner ready to do the same for you?

How To Know When You And Your Partner Are Moving Towards Commitment.

Time should never be factor if you truly love one another and your relationship continues to get stronger every day. That's what's really important. Is your relationship going somewhere? Can you see yourself being married to this person some day? Is your partner equally interested in your happiness? There is no need to rush into something as serious as deciding to spend the rest of your life with one person for better or worse. When you're ready and when your partner is ready, the transition from being single to being in a committed relationship will happen naturally as it was meant to be.

Written by
William J. Borden

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